D – 85

I am so excited to celebrate my SO birthday next October and I have been planning for this big day since June, so I have about 5 months to prepare everything to surprise him.

I am doing this because I love him, 9999! I love him to the infinity and beyond.

Last year he told me that I’ve made the best birthday surprise for him, ever. Those fact has motivated me to be able to always create a best memory in his life, and also my life. I can guarantee this year, his surprises are definitely better than last year!

The plan about arranging the surprises actually help to remind me that he is my very special one only, it also helps me to remember that we both love and appreciate each other.

Wish me luck! 🥳

t

Complainer / Problem Solver

Lately, my friend V told me about her life situation. As a human beings, it is almost second nature for us to complain about everything (people, weather, work, life, etc). The question is, “What are we doing to change of what we are complaining about?”

For example, if you are complaining about a rude person — you can choose to be kind and thoughtful person, If you are complaining about customer service — you can think some strategies on how to change the service industry positively, or if you are complaining about bad management — you can always start your own business and build a great culture.

When we see that something that isn’t right in this world, it’s easy for us to jump in and criticise or complain, yet we are actually adding more problem into what’s already a problem. We feel justified complaining because we think we know what it’s right. But the question is, “How are we actually right, if we are just adding more noise and negativity to the world when we’re complaining?”

I’m not saying that we should be okay with everything, because there are indeed terrible services, products and systems in this world. Complaining is not bad at all, it is complaining all the time about the same thing all over again that makes us deeply negative and unproductive. When we find ourselves complaining, we can use our dissatisfaction as a seeds to create change. In other words, being annoyed at something is how innovation starts. We find the current system/product which lead us to brainstorm on how to create something that is better; something that provide more value in the future.

When we don’t like something, we can always choose what kind of person we want to be; a complainer, or a problem solver.


 

I put my trust in you

When there’s something about your partner that bothers you, should you communicate it, or should you wait for him to sense it?

Love does not make us mind readers. Just because we love someone, it doesn’t mean we will automatically learn about our partner’s fear and insecurities. If we don’t communicate what bothers us and wait for our partner to sense it, then aren’t you gonna be waiting for a really long time and feeling frustrated the entire time? because he might never sense it. Not because he doesn’t love you, but because he might not aware of it.

We shouldn’t assume that our partner knows everything. When someone loves us we feel that, “If you love me, you would know why I’m upset” or “If you really cared, you would know why you shouldn’t have done that”. Emotionally that make sense, but rationally it doesn’t.

How can someone know what they don’t know? By telling them. But having told someone something even after a million times isn’t an indication that they will now know exactly how we’re feeling. People usually takes time to understand something, they didn’t totally get it in the first place.

It’s seems irrational for us to immediately compare what someone does/doesn’t do to how much they love us. Everyone can love us, but seems they don’t even know how to love themselves properly, so they are going to have difficulties knowing how to love us.

Sometimes we don’t want to bring up something that bothers our partner and would rather wait for him to sense it, because we don’t want to come across as needy or desperate for attention and affection; or we don’t want to add something to our partner, since he has a lot pressure at work.

If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and having lack of trust with our partner, we might not be happy in a relationship no matter how much we love the person.

We can learn to bring things up in a relationship without accusing our partner and simply expressing the hurt and insecurity we feel. We can also learn how not to get upset so when our partner does not give us the response we want.

When we communicate with our partner, our relationship won’t be driven by fear, doubts and guesses.

https://youtu.be/QYXGl-pY8aE

I put my trust in you, I believe what you say is true, I have faith in what you do, Yes I do, you are my dream come true.

I put my trust in you, and I know when I am blue. Yes I know you’ll carry me through. Yes I do, all that I need to do is put my trust in you.

… You’ve always been there for me, you’re the wind that has carried me, your love has set me free, your love has made me: me.

:\

If you do not know about something, you do not worry about it — ignorance is bliss.

But, we as a human tends to assumpt everything and overthinking about it; we are curious about every things that important to us.

Ideally, in a relationship — we shouldn’t neglect or ignore every things that happen between you and your partner. For example when you have suspicion on your boyfriend may cheated on you, you can’t act like you didn’t care about it. You should ask him in order to get some explanation about his behavior.

My significant other is so unpredictable and mysterious guy, which makes me wants to know about him well, because as I know curiousity is needed to avoid boredom in a relationship. As time goes by, I can learn about him better each day.

But nowadays I have something in mind because I have a feeling that my SO’s been acting different lately. I don’t know if there’s something happened and affect our relationship so he’s doing it purposely. or.. it’s just only me who is over-thinking about that.

Well, part of me is dying to know the reason behind that, but the other hand I just want to ignore it, and pretend that everything is just fine, like statement above — ignorance is bliss.

Ahhh.. maybe it was just me.. I believe that you will never change.

I love you 9999, my dearest SO.

t

May 5th

At Sunday morning, me and my significant other are usually having breakfast together. Sometimes we look for something traditional, but… McD’s chicken egg muffin and beef sausage egg muffin never fails us.

Apart from the foods… I met him at our usual meeting point — then he asked me to get into his car. Long story short, he surprised me with a birthday cake. He said, “Happy birthday to you!” and “Make your wish!”. After I pray for my wishes, then I blew the candle. I thank and kissed him. After that, we enjoyed breakfast and some desserts.

Thank you for your love, thank you for everything you did to me.

I love you, eternally.

t

Are you with me?

Argument, it can be incredibly frustrating to try communicating with your partner and it isn’t going well. When you are upset with your partner, when you are arguing with your partner, take a deep breath and remind yourself that this isn’t bad thing. This is an opportunity for you to understand your partner better.

When we disagree with our partner, if often escalates into a big argument. At times like this, it really helps us to remember that eventhough we love someone, we won’t automatically understand the person. Similarly, just because a partner loves us, it doesn’t mean that they will understand us.

“If you love me, you’ll get it” only sounds logical in theory, but in reality it is actually really hard for someone to understand an idea or concept that hasn’t been part of their own beliefs. Even when they understand, it doesn’t mean that they have to agree with us. Most of the time, when our partner disagrees with us, we feel like they are objecting to us, especially if they are disagree about something fundamental that we believe in.

That isn’t true! Most people are not objecting to us, they are simply telling us what they believe in. If we can see it from their point of view, it will make so much easier for us to be able to listen to our partner’s differing opinion without perceiving it like objection or even rejection.

Just because someone loves us, it doesn’t mean that what’s important to us will automatically important to them. The truth is your partner can love and care for you deeply yet have very different opinions, beliefs and values, because they are completely different human being. Even if what is important to you isn’t important to your partner, it doesn’t mean that you are unimportant. Understanding this make all the difference in the way you communicate with your partner.

“What is important to me is my significant other, and I’m sure he’s just thinking the same. I love you much”


When will you get married?

Last week, a friend of my mother met us at a restaurant, she came to our table and say hi to my mother. Everytime I had a chance met with her, she asked me very annoying question, “When will you get married?”. Honestly I know that she doesn’t really care about it, and it was just unimportant chit-chat that I could just ignore it; but come on! You don’t need to ask that question over and over again. Until I said it loudly, a little bit angry and annoyed, “Are you have no other questions beside that one? Because I am sick of it.” Long story short, my mother told me that I shouldn’t responded to her like that. But I am not gonna apologize for what I think is right.

Sometimes, we can misled by our ego to think that in order to solve an issue, or problem, or to achieve our objective, we must be the worst version of ourselves. In our mind, we believe that we are wonderful, sweet, kind, and nice person. It’s just in that situation, we are justified to behave in ways that we wouldn’t normally behave. This is similar to saying, “I’m normally a nice person, but her behavior left me no choice to be nasty.” This is us being purposefully blind to own negative behavior. Because we truly believe that we are standing up for something right.

Many of us can be mislead into believing that we are nice person, even as we are behaving like the worst version of ourselves. We believe that our behavior is necessary and in doing so we absolve ourselves of any responsibilities of our actions. Other people’s bad behavior doesn’t justify our own. We don’t have to let people bait us into behaving just like them, or let our ego trick us into justifying our negative behavior.

Even if we think that it’s right to unleash the worst version of ourselves, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to help us solve our problems. In fact, it’s only when we are not consumed by rage and righteousness, we have of better frame of mind to take strategic action to stand up for ourselves and to solve the problems.

“Being angry, mean or unkind is the least skillful way to solve problem, and often we just ended up making it worse.”

Lovely present

I’ve got a surprise present from my SO! He told me it was a Christmas, Valentine and early birthday present for me. When I opened the present, it was a diffuser with 12 bottles of aromatherapy that I wanted to buy last year. I am so happy! I thanked him and kissed him and said I love you to him 🥰❤️

The story begin when I entered his room for the first time, I smelled an aromatherapy which was soothing, calming and so relaxing. I told him that I want to buy it too, and then he said that I could buy it from his sister because she is a member, so whenever I want to buy it I just need to tell him.

Long story short, I forgot to tell him about the diffuser until one day, when he dropped by at my house, I told him that I want to buy the diffuser, but he didn’t reply of what I’ve said and we talked about something else.

On one day, I asked him to go out for dinner like we usually do, and after he drove me back to my car, he asked me to wait in the car while he put the present. I opened the present in the car excitedly while he watched me, smiled.

When I arrived at home, I read the instruction manual and installed the diffuser. Somehow I can imagine when I close my eyes that I am in his room–excluding the parquet flooring.

I want to thank you once again for buying me an aromatherapy with the diffuser, and I will use it every night. 😌 Love you.


t

I love you.

We talk often to the people we love, but do we communicate clearly how much they mean to us?

….

Communicating my feelings to my SO requires translating my thoughts into words. It sounds easy but honestly it’s a difficult thing to do. Maybe it’s because talking is easy, but communicating love, especially to him is not something I normally do in our conversations.

We all have developed a habit of speaking to each other. Sometimes my SO is able to verbalise the most simple of intentions, like “I appreciate you and all that you try to do for me” or “I’m so glad in the last two days with you“, and I would say to him “Seeing you happy makes me so happy, and I’m sorry if I sometimes missed the mark and make you sad instead“, or “Thank you so much for today, I’m so glad to see you“. But usually we use actions to convey each other how much we mean to each other, like having a holiday together, buying him some gifts and hampers, giving him a massage, etc.

It’s true that actions speak louder than words. But we have to remember it may not be the exact actions that make us feel loved and treasured, so my or his actions may not be perceived as acts of love even if that is our intention. This isn’t because we don’t appreciate our actions to each other, but because we all have different interpretations of what makes us feel special or loved. People don’t really know how much they mean to us until we actually say it. And if you think about communicating your thoughts that matters of the heart, is also an action.

I don’t want to wait and hold all that I have to say to him into my last words before he passes from this world, and I don’t want to let him go without knowing a hundred percent of how deep my love for him is. My SO told me that we have to communicate our feeling into words in order to us getting used to it.

I love you, my other half.

Having no regrets and no guilt when the person we love pass on, is a great gift — even we miss them everyday, we can still live our life with closure and a peace of mind.


Staying in Love

Untitled.jpg

“We fall in love by chance, we stay in love by choice.” – Unknown


It’s much easier to fall in love rather than to stay in love. Love is highly emotional and falling in love comprises of the best kind of emotions; the anticipation, the excitement, and the chemistry. But, staying in love takes us through a different journey of emotions all together; the frustrations, the impatience, the jealousy, even the boredom.

Being in a relationship means we have to learn how to navigate all those negative emotions that comes with loving someone. This is why love does not make a whole lot of difference. When it comes to the quality of our relationships, what’s most important is how we behave when we are with the people we love. Love is easy but being aware of our own emotions, actions and how we can affect the people we love, that requires a genuine desire to be a better person, because changing ourselves is one the hardest things in the world to do.

We have bad habits that we might not even be aware of. We don’t even know when we’re being sensitive or we are defensive. Sometimes, we even blame the other person for the misery we feel. The most beautiful relationship are carried out of challenges and it’s up to us to lift those heavy boulders out of the way to access the rewards of an amazing relationship. Sometimes we want the other person to do the heavy lifting, but deep down inside we know that we can’t push the work to them.

Relationships are indeed a two-way thing. It means we can’t having peace of mind or we will constantly feel frustrated if we focus on how the other person should be. Nobody is perfect and sometimes we focus too much on how imperfect our partner is, as opposed to focusing on how we can work on our imperfections — it’s only when we are an amazing person that we are able to give love in a way that inspires the other person to love us in the way that we wanted them to do. 🙂